Sunday, December 29, 2013

Shall I try again?

So much happens in a year.  It's amazing really, how time flies.  Frightening sometimes.
Shall I catch you up? Maybe on another day.
I'm making this up as I go along--my life.  This motherhood thing.  This grownup thing.  Faking it.  And hoping that I'm not doing it all wrong.  
That's what this is actually, this return to my blog.  The past little while, the past three days specifically, I've had this consuming feeling that I'm doing something wrong--that I'm missing something huge--and it's left me blindsided. Not shocked my shame.
When I started this blog I called it "shayna--thisisme" because my intent was to actually, for the first time in my life, be honest with the world and show you ME.  Why that is important, I have no idea, but that it is important I have no doubt.  
I've been avoiding this why?  Because it's scary?  Because some of you won't like me? Sure.  But mostly because it is the right thing to do, and of course the beginning of that path will always appear to be impossible because there is someone there who above all else desires for us to be thwarted from that path.  And he's done a phenomenal job with me so far (how old am I?).  Jerk. 
So for these past days God has completely taken away my peace and in so doing has again brought me to the edge of this path.  
"How about now, Shayna?" He asks with love and sorrow.
"Now, will you allow me to heal you?"